Tuesday, November 12, 2013

7 Reasons The Apple Store is Like Church

This post was originally going to be "What The Church Can Learn From the Apple Store", but that's been done by people way smarter than me. Plus, it's late. So it has transformed itself. I present to you:

7 Reasons The Apple Store is Like Church*

1) Greeting: You are immediately welcomed by super-smiley people when entering both, and often feel let down and confused if no one is there to greet you. If they're really on the ball, the greeter will direct you to the staff member/ministry leader who can best meet your needs and give you a personal introduction.

2) Recognizable Symbols: Walk into the Apple Store and you will see the famous Apple all over. Walk into church and you see the cross, maybe a dove...with fire, if you're lucky.

3) Something for All Ages: Apple has a product or software for every age and the training on how to use it, making it perfect for all ages. Kids will intuitively pick it up and know how to do anything, while older adults can sit down at the Genius Bar and learn what they need to know. Church may not have a genius bar, but if it's a holy church, they'll have a coffee bar, and that's pretty close. But in any event, a good church will have ministries and groups for every age group, nursery to seniors. Everyone receives at their level.

4) Uncomfortable Seating: The only seating you'll find at Apple is the hard stools in the instructional area. Otherwise, you're standing. And do I really have to tell you about the comfort level of pews or 60-year-old theatre seating?

5) Jargon: Applese and Christianese are so fine-tuned they could be considered secret code! It all sounds like crazy-speak...until you join the crowd and suddenly understand it all.

6) Provides Access to a New World: The moment you join Apple or the Church, you gain access to a new dimension. You start seeing things in a whole new way and wonder how you ever lived without [iPhone/Jesus]. Things are clearer, decisions are easier, and you're more connected with the people around you. Life changes and you are never going back.

7) A Very Dedicated Following: Whether following the Messiah or the Mac, Christians and Apple-nerds are undoubtedly committed to their belief in the One True Way. You can try to persuade them otherwise, but they know the Truth and will not be swayed.

Did I miss anything? What would you add to the list?

*This list has been created at midnight. This is in no way deep or spiritual. It is meant to be silly and make us laugh at ourselves a little bit. And to give me something to do as I unwind after work.


  1. Awesome Ashley. Really enjoyed it! <3

  2. Both have serious haters, but the hater arguments just don't make sense to me. I don't mean to put those hurt by church and Android users in the same category, but...


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