Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Dreams are Weird

You know how most of the time you wake up trying to remember your dreams? Clinging to that one little piece that was so wonderful, but the moment you open your eyes, it disappears forever? Well, this isn't one of those times. A few days ago I had a simple, average, but mildly weird dream and it won't leave my head. So I'm going to share.

I was at a lake swimming with, apparently, my new husband. In a bikini. I mean, I was in the bikini, not my new husband. (If you know me, you know that whole bikini thing is weird. I can't imagine ever wearing a bikini.) This husband was someone from my childhood, someone I may or may not have had a real-life crush on in high school.

Anyways, we were swimming in this lake, kinda awkward but romantic. I had the impression we had just had a sudden, quickie, elopement-style wedding, and this was our honeymoon of sorts. My parents came into the lake, too. Hubby and I went up on the deck/cliff at the edge of the lake (oh, did I mention it was an indoor lake? It was a completely normal lake, with sand and a beach and fish, but there was a roof and a giant cinder block wall in the middle of the lake, and on the sides). When we got up onto the deck thing, it was revealed that I was pregnant, just enough to start a bikini...on my wedding day...and my parents were fine with it. At this point we were hugging, being awkward-romantic, when I said to him, "Well, I guess since we're married now we should probably be Facebook friends." We laughed and kissed, then I woke up.

Simple, fairly average, but considering it's me, it was weird on many levels. So, subconsciousness, what are you trying to tell me? Are you in on the conspiracy, too?!

Oh, well. Side note: If dreams are supposed to be our subconsciousness, and the people/things in them are things we've seen in regular life, then what do babies dream about? Life in the womb?

Have you had any weird dreams lately?

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

"Life, In Spite of Me"

Life, In Spite of Me by Kristen Jane Anderson

Undiagnosed depression and a series of painful events led to 17-year-old Kristen Anderson laying on the train tracks near her home, waiting to die. As she watched and felt 30 train cars roll over her body, a miracle took place, though she wouldn't fully realize it for some time. Kristen takes the reader into her life- the events that led to that dark night, her adjusting to life without legs, and her struggle with depression to discover what she was put on this earth to do. She steps back at key moments to speak hope and love to the reader, as she wishes someone had spoken to her.

This book is hope and encouragement to those struggling, and inspiration to the rest of us. Her faith journey will encourage those just starting their own journey and refresh those who are a little further down the road. This is a great and easy read; I finished it in less than a day.

As someone who works with teens, the part that most jumped out at me and inspired me was something Kristen wrote on page 76:
Their intentions were good, but I wondered why people had waited so long to tell me. If they really believe I'm special- and that God has a special plan for my life- why didn't they tell me before? Why duid they wait until I'm lying in a hospital bed to tell me how myuch they love me, how much God loves me? I needed to hear that just as much in the past as I did now.
It was an excellent reminder that people need our love and support just as much-if not more- when they're hard to love and pushing everyone away. By being loving and supporting and caring to the people around us everyday, we may unknowingly save a life. While this story has a happy ending, I never want it to be in that position of wondering, "What could I have done to stop this tragedy?" I want to know that I've poured my life into others, that I have been there when they needed me and helped them fight their battles.

I recommend this book, especially if you are struggling with depression or have a loved one who is. You can read the first chapter, buuy the book, and more by clicking here.
 4/5 Stars

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Only Me

Only me.

Sunday I was in worship, as usual, with my kiddos. A favorite song started, an upbeat song, so I started dancing(ish). We're Charasmatic. We dance. So I was doing my patented worship dance: a hop-kick mix (since I'm white and really can't dance). It's not a complex move. My feet barely leave the ground. Yet, somehow, after a few seconds I felt a pop in my calf. An excruciating snap that made me hop on just the other foot, grabbing my calf and holding my breath.

Now, like I said, I was with my kiddos. So I didn't want to show my pain to them. Also, I was worshiping. I felt like I shouldn't have that kind of pain from worship! So, I tried to ignore it. I put my weight on the other leg, rubbed it every so often when I couldn't ignore it, and went about my morning with a limp.

Only me.

Later that day when Sunday life calmed down a bit, I really examined my leg. The pain was made worse by touch, flexing, and bearing weight. I could point my toes without pain, and there was no swelling, but that was where the positives ended. So I did what any girl would do: put ice on it and went shopping (I needed things...and my friends wanted to go to Target...).

Only me.

I attempted to go to work the next day (silly me). I clocked out 45 minutes later and called my doctor, who miraculously had an early appointment. She didn't think it was too serious, but possibly a muscle tear, so she sent me for an ultrasound. After digging out my moms crutches, and a little runaround from the insurance company, I hobbled my way through the hospital to radiology (which, can I say, was super confusing?! They had three different names!).

Then, the fun part. I get into the room, and the technician says she's going to check for blood clots. Which was odd, since at 25 and active, I'm pretty sure no one thought that was the issue. I told her that's not what my doctor had said, and that wasn't what the order said. Her response: "Well, I'm just gonna do my test." Ooookaaaaayy.

Only me.

I left a message at the doctors on my way home, but didn't hear back until the end of the day, when she couldn't find out anything. Today I got the call saying I obviously don't have any blood clots, and that was, in fact, the wrong test. But, since my leg does feel a little bit better, she felt it was more likely a strain, and wasn't going to make me do that whole mess again, unless it doesn't improve by next week.

Only me. Only during pre-VBS week, which is only my busiest week of the entire year.

I guess this is what I get for asking God last week for some time off....I'll have to be more specific next time!
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