Dreams are Weird

You know how most of the time you wake up trying to remember your dreams? Clinging to that one little piece that was so wonderful, but the moment you open your eyes, it disappears forever? Well, this isn't one of those times. A few days ago I had a simple, average, but mildly weird dream and it won't leave my head. So I'm going to share.

I was at a lake swimming with, apparently, my new husband. In a bikini. I mean, I was in the bikini, not my new husband. (If you know me, you know that whole bikini thing is weird. I can't imagine ever wearing a bikini.) This husband was someone from my childhood, someone I may or may not have had a real-life crush on in high school.

Anyways, we were swimming in this lake, kinda awkward but romantic. I had the impression we had just had a sudden, quickie, elopement-style wedding, and this was our honeymoon of sorts. My parents came into the lake, too. Hubby and I went up on the deck/cliff at the edge of the lake (oh, did I mention it was an indoor lake? It was a completely normal lake, with sand and a beach and fish, but there was a roof and a giant cinder block wall in the middle of the lake, and on the sides). When we got up onto the deck thing, it was revealed that I was pregnant, just enough to start showing...in a bikini...on my wedding day...and my parents were fine with it. At this point we were hugging, being awkward-romantic, when I said to him, "Well, I guess since we're married now we should probably be Facebook friends." We laughed and kissed, then I woke up.

Simple, fairly average, but considering it's me, it was weird on many levels. So, subconsciousness, what are you trying to tell me? Are you in on the conspiracy, too?!

Oh, well. Side note: If dreams are supposed to be our subconsciousness, and the people/things in them are things we've seen in regular life, then what do babies dream about? Life in the womb?

Have you had any weird dreams lately?

"Life, In Spite of Me"

Life, In Spite of Me by Kristen Jane Anderson

Undiagnosed depression and a series of painful events led to 17-year-old Kristen Anderson laying on the train tracks near her home, waiting to die. As she watched and felt 30 train cars roll over her body, a miracle took place, though she wouldn't fully realize it for some time. Kristen takes the reader into her life- the events that led to that dark night, her adjusting to life without legs, and her struggle with depression to discover what she was put on this earth to do. She steps back at key moments to speak hope and love to the reader, as she wishes someone had spoken to her.

This book is hope and encouragement to those struggling, and inspiration to the rest of us. Her faith journey will encourage those just starting their own journey and refresh those who are a little further down the road. This is a great and easy read; I finished it in less than a day.

As someone who works with teens, the part that most jumped out at me and inspired me was something Kristen wrote on page 76:

Their intentions were good, but I wondered why people had waited so long to tell me. If they really believe I'm special- and that God has a special plan for my life- why didn't they tell me before? Why duid they wait until I'm lying in a hospital bed to tell me how myuch they love me, how much God loves me? I needed to hear that just as much in the past as I did now.

It was an excellent reminder that people need our love and support just as much-if not more- when they're hard to love and pushing everyone away. By being loving and supporting and caring to the people around us everyday, we may unknowingly save a life. While this story has a happy ending, I never want it to be in that position of wondering, "What could I have done to stop this tragedy?" I want to know that I've poured my life into others, that I have been there when they needed me and helped them fight their battles.

I recommend this book, especially if you are struggling with depression or have a loved one who is. You can read the first chapter, buuy the book, and more by clicking here.

 4/5 Stars

I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review.

Only Me

Only me.

Sunday I was in worship, as usual, with my kiddos. A favorite song started, an upbeat song, so I started dancing(ish). We're Charasmatic. We dance. So I was doing my patented worship dance: a hop-kick mix (since I'm white and really can't dance). It's not a complex move. My feet barely leave the ground. Yet, somehow, after a few seconds I felt a pop in my calf. An excruciating snap that made me hop on just the other foot, grabbing my calf and holding my breath.

Now, like I said, I was with my kiddos. So I didn't want to show my pain to them. Also, I was worshiping. I felt like I shouldn't have that kind of pain from worship! So, I tried to ignore it. I put my weight on the other leg, rubbed it every so often when I couldn't ignore it, and went about my morning with a limp.

Only me.

Later that day when Sunday life calmed down a bit, I really examined my leg. The pain was made worse by touch, flexing, and bearing weight. I could point my toes without pain, and there was no swelling, but that was where the positives ended. So I did what any girl would do: put ice on it and went shopping (I needed things...and my friends wanted to go to Target...).

Only me.

I attempted to go to work the next day (silly me). I clocked out 45 minutes later and called my doctor, who miraculously had an early appointment. She didn't think it was too serious, but possibly a muscle tear, so she sent me for an ultrasound. After digging out my moms crutches, and a little runaround from the insurance company, I hobbled my way through the hospital to radiology (which, can I say, was super confusing?! They had three different names!).

Then, the fun part. I get into the room, and the technician says she's going to check for blood clots. Which was odd, since at 25 and active, I'm pretty sure no one thought that was the issue. I told her that's not what my doctor had said, and that wasn't what the order said. Her response: "Well, I'm just gonna do my test." Ooookaaaaayy.

Only me.

I left a message at the doctors on my way home, but didn't hear back until the end of the day, when she couldn't find out anything. Today I got the call saying I obviously don't have any blood clots, and that was, in fact, the wrong test. But, since my leg does feel a little bit better, she felt it was more likely a strain, and wasn't going to make me do that whole mess again, unless it doesn't improve by next week.

Only me. Only during pre-VBS week, which is only my busiest week of the entire year.

I guess this is what I get for asking God last week for some time off....I'll have to be more specific next time!

Bizarre Driving

Today was one of the most bizarre driving experiences of my entire life.

So, my brother and I were heading to a friends graduation party. As we were leaving the house it started to rain. No biggie. We get 5 minutes out and it starts pouring. Like, really pouring. So bad that one of the stop lights lost power as we pulled up to it! But, hey, it's just a little rain. And we're New Englanders; a little water isn't gonna ruin our cookout plans! So we keep driving.

A minute later, I can barely see out the windshield, so we decide to take back roads instead of the highway. And then...it rains harder. So now, even going like 10 miles an hour, with the wipers on high, I can't see the car 15 feet ahead of me. At one point, my brother asked if we were even still on the road. And it just kept dumping. It wouldn't let up! By this point, it would've still been more than 30 minutes to the party on a good day, so we decided to go home and, you know, not die.

We get to a rotary and just go all the way around, so we're heading back home (it was too rainy to even see a place to really turn around!). After we called the graduate to say we weren't coming, the rain returned to a normal rain pattern....for a little bit, anyways. We drove by an accident and the sky started to do that crazy pouring thing again. So I'm driving to stay alive, going through all these giant puddles in addition to the water falling from the sky when all of a sudden, it just stops. Like, completely stops.

My brother described it as, "The wipers go down, the windshield is full of water. The wipers go up, and there's not even a drop." It was like we were in a waterfall, and just drove out of it. There wasn't even a slowing, or a sprinkle, or anything. One second we're in the worst rainstorm of my life, and the next there's just blue sky and sunshine. It didn't even feel like my own town! It seemed like a dream, or a movie.  Like we were in some weird jungle trying to survive. The only reason I know it wasn't a dream is that all the streets have giant puddles.

It was bizarre. One of the most bizarre driving experiences of my entire life. Top three, for sure. Yet, reading back over this post, it doesn't capture the danger or drama or weirdness of the whole thing. But trust me. It was insane.

"Love in Disguise"

"Love in Disguise" by Carol Cox

Aspiring actress Ellie Moore is having a rough run. Thinking she's on her way to stardom, she suddenly finds herself out of a job, alone, and nearly broke. When a little bit of eavesdropping leads to the an opportunity to go undercover with the world famous Pinkerton Detective Agency, she jumps at it. Embarking on the adventure of a lifetime, Ellie invents two opposite characters to aid in her investigation of the silver mine thefts: an aging Lavinia, and her vivacious niece Jessie. Soon enough, the man of her dreams starts falling for her alter ego, and the thieves turn their attention to getting rid of her. Will Ellie ever have the chance to reveal who she really is so they can live happily ever after?

With charming characters, mystery, and enough plot twists to keep you reading into the night, this book will delight you and have you rooting for Ellie every step of the way. This book was unlike any I've read, with the main character playing three characters! I would have liked a bit more background on Steven, and more storyline between him and Ellie actually as Ellie, but all in all, I enjoyed this adventure in the Wild West!

4/5 stars. Recommended. 

*I received this book for free from LibraryThing's Early Reviewer program in exchange for an honest review.*

[Ir]Rational Fears

Not sure why I'm revisiting horrors from my childhood lately, but I am, so obviously I have to share with the internet. Actually, this one I thought I'd already shared, but I didn't see it anywhere on the blog, except in passing. An Adventurous Kate post I recently found made me think I should try something similar soon....So let's delve into the twisted world of irrational fears, shall we?

I changed my mind. It's not irrational. It's a completely rational fear.  I mean, come on! They're obviously all plotting against me. 

I have a fear of fish. Small fish. Especially small black fish. They're evil and I hate them and they need to go away. 

[source]

Other fish make me uneasy, but it's the little black ones that I watch closely and avoid at all costs. I thought that as a grown woman I had outgrown this fear, until several months back when I walked into our downstairs bathroom (where we have a big fishtank [yes, we're that awesome]) when no one else was home. As I approached the tank, an Evil Little Black Fish jumped out at me. I froze. My breath caught, my heart was racing, my hands we shaking. I had flashbacks to my childhood and the original Evil Little Black Fishies. I was completely traumatized (retraumatized? Is there such a thing?). After a minute or two, I was able to rationally grab the fish with a tissue and throw him back in the tank. But only because I didn't want to explain to my family why I let one of the fish die on the floor.

See, when I was really little, 5 years old little, my cousin Leah's family had these little black fish in a tank at the end of their hall. Leah was a baby and her bassinet was across from the fishtank, probably a good three feet away. So one day, and I remember this vividly, one of the Evil Little Black Fishies jumped out of the tank, across the hall, and into Leah's bassinet while she was in it! Evil Fishy....

Not really a scarring experience, you say? Well, another time, I was walking by the tank and....and....*deep breath* an Evil Little Black Fishie jumped out of the tank. At me. And it....it went down my pants. I freaked out. I started yelling and ripping my pants off. It took a while to calm me down. I remember this event clearly, I was so traumatized. My mom says that for months after I would freak out if we were around fish. That sometimes we'd by driving down the highway, me in my carseat, and I'd just start stripping and yelling about the fishies.

So, after that incident in the bathroom a few months ago, I'm obviously not over this fear of the Evil Little Black Fishies. And I've tried! I've got a little black and white fish in my own little tank. It's not so scary because he's got some white to him.  And my daddy does all the tank cleaning stuff. But the rest of them? Evil Little Black Fishies. They all wanna kill me. 

Any fears in your mind, rational or otherwise? 

Help Prove I'm Not Crazy?

I realized I haven't posted for a while, and since I have nothing of substance to say tonight, I'm asking for your help. To prove I'm not crazy. Although, I'm pretty sure I'm not, because my brother has the same scarring memory that I do. What is it you ask? Let me share my horror.

When I was little, like, 8-ish I think, we listened to records when we went to bed. That's right, RECORDS. In the 90s. On my own little player. It was awesome. Wish I still had it. Anyways, I digress. While going to bed we would listen to records. There is one in particular that stands out in my mind because the story was terrifying. Completely and utterly scarring for life. I don't remember the whole thing, but the premise was this: 

There's a little boy (I think he was African or Indian, if I'm remembering the cover correctly...yellow background?). He's living his normal life until one day, there's a fire. And he gets trapped in the fire. And then....you hear him screaming. You listen to this little boy screaming for help, in pain as the fire burns him. Then, there's a little music, and he wakes up in the hospital blind. And then something about school? But the part I remember VERY vividly is the screaming. It's forever etched in my mind. I can hear it echoing in my brain as I write this. 

And keep in mind, we listened to this while going to sleep! How twisted is that?!

So, by now you're either horrified as well, or laughing at me because you don't believe this is real, so you think I'm crazy. But to the original purpose if this post...Does anyone know what record this is?! It's been bugging me for years! It's so outrageous, it seems like it can't be real. But why would my brother and I both invent the same horrifying story? So it must be real, and someone out there must know what record it is. Please tell me! Any scarring stories like this from your childhood?