12 Signs You Were Raised in Sunday School

I am a church kid through and through. Some of my earliest memories are of church. I grew up in Sunday School and Children's Church and Rainbows and everything else there was. Because of this, I've learned that there are some signs that show you were raised in Sunday School. As all good SS kids know, 12 is the best number (except for 7, the holiest of all numbers). There were 12 tribes, 12 disciples....and now the top 12 Signs You Were Raised in Sunday School!

[original photo source]

1) You can't find anything in the Bible without singing The Song. You know The Song. It may be different than my version of The Song, but if you're a Sunday School kid, you absolutely learned The Song at some point. Speaking of songs....

2) Most Bible verses quoted in a sermon or conversation spark a reminder of the song that helped you learn said verse. "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God, and anyone who loves is born of God...." (You totally just sang that, didn't you?)

3) You consider a singing songbook, a living cartoon, an orange puppet, a middle-aged sherif, a living donut, a super book, and/or talking vegetables your friend. Best friends. The kind you spend Saturday mornings with, and hope the teacher shows on Sunday mornings. (You know you grew up in Children's Church when you know the names of all the references I just made.)

4) You're disappointed you no longer get snacks at church. Fishies, Nilla wafers, graham crackers, with a side of apple juice...those were the days.

5) You're disappointed current life lessons aren't taught with playdoh. Creation? Let's use playdoh! God trades our heart of stone for one of flesh? Playdoh time! Learning to pay bills? Why is there no playdoh?!

6) Flannelgraphs. It's a sad fact of life that today's youth will grow up in a Sunday School without flannelgraph. The magic of watching the story unfold with printed pieces of felt was like really being there. And when you got to be the one to put the piece on the board? Awesome.

7) You know sword drills has nothing to do with a metal weapon. I can sing The Song super fast...in my head...you're goin' down! 

8) You would pray to not get chosen to pray in front of the class. "Don't let the teacher pick me! God, I don't mind praying. I like talking to you, but please don't make me do it in front of the other kids!"

9) You've been smacked in the eye with a palm leaf. True story. One Palm Sunday all the kids had to sing in front of the church while waving palm branches. Do you know what happens when you tell kids to stand next to each other and wave a palm branch? Things get out of control and someone will get hurt. Probably me. Let's stick to teaching them how to make those things into a cross (I still haven't been able to figure that one out!)

10) You accidentally told another kid that Santa doesn't exist. Because you've been told all your life that Santa wasn't real, and as a kid you need to always be right in front of the other kids. "I hope Santa brings me a new bicycle!" "No he won't! Santa's not real! My mom said so." *extreme crying and angry parents*

11) Now that you're grown, you wonder why a song who's only lyrics are, "I am a Christian and I have Christ in my heart and I will live eternally" takes so long to sing...or why it's so much fun to sing. Especially when followed by a song just as inexplicably titled "Father Abraham".

12) You've prayed The Prayer at least 314534 times. Just to make sure you were truly saved.

Can you relate? Share your favorite Sunday School-ism with me! 

[Ir]Rational Fears

Not sure why I'm revisiting horrors from my childhood lately, but I am, so obviously I have to share with the internet. Actually, this one I thought I'd already shared, but I didn't see it anywhere on the blog, except in passing. An Adventurous Kate post I recently found made me think I should try something similar soon....So let's delve into the twisted world of irrational fears, shall we?

I changed my mind. It's not irrational. It's a completely rational fear.  I mean, come on! They're obviously all plotting against me. 

I have a fear of fish. Small fish. Especially small black fish. They're evil and I hate them and they need to go away. 

[source]

Other fish make me uneasy, but it's the little black ones that I watch closely and avoid at all costs. I thought that as a grown woman I had outgrown this fear, until several months back when I walked into our downstairs bathroom (where we have a big fishtank [yes, we're that awesome]) when no one else was home. As I approached the tank, an Evil Little Black Fish jumped out at me. I froze. My breath caught, my heart was racing, my hands we shaking. I had flashbacks to my childhood and the original Evil Little Black Fishies. I was completely traumatized (retraumatized? Is there such a thing?). After a minute or two, I was able to rationally grab the fish with a tissue and throw him back in the tank. But only because I didn't want to explain to my family why I let one of the fish die on the floor.

See, when I was really little, 5 years old little, my cousin Leah's family had these little black fish in a tank at the end of their hall. Leah was a baby and her bassinet was across from the fishtank, probably a good three feet away. So one day, and I remember this vividly, one of the Evil Little Black Fishies jumped out of the tank, across the hall, and into Leah's bassinet while she was in it! Evil Fishy....

Not really a scarring experience, you say? Well, another time, I was walking by the tank and....and....*deep breath* an Evil Little Black Fishie jumped out of the tank. At me. And it....it went down my pants. I freaked out. I started yelling and ripping my pants off. It took a while to calm me down. I remember this event clearly, I was so traumatized. My mom says that for months after I would freak out if we were around fish. That sometimes we'd by driving down the highway, me in my carseat, and I'd just start stripping and yelling about the fishies.

So, after that incident in the bathroom a few months ago, I'm obviously not over this fear of the Evil Little Black Fishies. And I've tried! I've got a little black and white fish in my own little tank. It's not so scary because he's got some white to him.  And my daddy does all the tank cleaning stuff. But the rest of them? Evil Little Black Fishies. They all wanna kill me. 

Any fears in your mind, rational or otherwise? 

Help Prove I'm Not Crazy?

I realized I haven't posted for a while, and since I have nothing of substance to say tonight, I'm asking for your help. To prove I'm not crazy. Although, I'm pretty sure I'm not, because my brother has the same scarring memory that I do. What is it you ask? Let me share my horror.

When I was little, like, 8-ish I think, we listened to records when we went to bed. That's right, RECORDS. In the 90s. On my own little player. It was awesome. Wish I still had it. Anyways, I digress. While going to bed we would listen to records. There is one in particular that stands out in my mind because the story was terrifying. Completely and utterly scarring for life. I don't remember the whole thing, but the premise was this: 

There's a little boy (I think he was African or Indian, if I'm remembering the cover correctly...yellow background?). He's living his normal life until one day, there's a fire. And he gets trapped in the fire. And then....you hear him screaming. You listen to this little boy screaming for help, in pain as the fire burns him. Then, there's a little music, and he wakes up in the hospital blind. And then something about school? But the part I remember VERY vividly is the screaming. It's forever etched in my mind. I can hear it echoing in my brain as I write this. 

And keep in mind, we listened to this while going to sleep! How twisted is that?!

So, by now you're either horrified as well, or laughing at me because you don't believe this is real, so you think I'm crazy. But to the original purpose if this post...Does anyone know what record this is?! It's been bugging me for years! It's so outrageous, it seems like it can't be real. But why would my brother and I both invent the same horrifying story? So it must be real, and someone out there must know what record it is. Please tell me! Any scarring stories like this from your childhood?